Coffee makes me Poop

Yes, you read that right. Coffee also makes me high. I can’t handle the caffeine rush like most people do. My body starts getting jittery, I can feel the heart beat rising, palms getting sweaty, heavy breathing, anxiety starts to creep in; basically I am a 13 year old looking at boobs for the first time.
Coffee also hurts my stomach. Here’s an awesome flowchart to help you understand what I mean.

I am a lady and I fall under that 29%
Despite my obnoxious behaviour and lame puns, I am the most creative and productive when high. Things fall into perspective, I don’t forget things, my to do lists gets ticked off, my imagination goes high and wide, I think in different dimensions, and most importantly I actually walk all the way to the water station to fill my bottle and don’t stay thirsty just because I have to walk.
      Coffee gives me superpowers, but with side effects.

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